They say that love is blind, or that it causes you to view the world through rose-colored glasses. And that “blindness,” or those glasses, can cause us to miss seeing red flags that may be raised in the course of our relationships, especially at the beginning. But often those red flags are clues that something may cause trouble in the future. Here are 8 red flags whose signals you shouldn’t ignore:
- Your partner doesn’t communicate feelings. Instead of talking about issues or expressing how they feel, they just act moody or distant, or even trot out the silent treatment. Or when you need them most, emotionally, they distance themselves or leave you to deal with a tough situation on your own.
- Your partner doesn’t handle life like an adult. If a person doesn’t bother to master basic life skills like self-care, managing finances and their living space, holding down a job and having plans for the future, you’ll find yourself without a partner you can rely on. What may seem charming or cute in the beginning will reveal itself as irresponsible, immature, and unpredictable behavior later.
- Your partner is repeatedly dishonest. Some people lie, not out of malice, but because it’s a learned way to behave or a habit of coping. Being out-and-out lied to repeatedly, though, indicates a person who doesn’t take responsibility for their actions, lacks integrity, and lacks respect for you.
- Your family and friends don’t like your partner. If the people you love and trust, who know you well, indicate that they are concerned about your partner’s behaviors or habits, listen to them. It can be especially hard when you’re in the throes of a new romance, but that outsider’s perspective can be valuable.
- You find yourself alienated from friends and family. Whether they have voiced disapproval of your partner or not, you may find yourself spending less time with them. If your partner is attempting to control or limit the amount of time you spend with others, it’s not a sign of love—it’s a sign of trouble.
- You feel insecure about the relationship. If you don’t feel like you’re moving forward, if you’re not sharing experiences that strengthen your connection, or if you usually feel uncomfortable, uncertain, or anxious about where things are going, you’re not in a healthy, two-sided relationship.
- Your partner blames others for relationship problems. If your partner can’t explain why past romantic relationships, family relationships, or friendships didn’t work out, or if they say the problems were all the other person’s fault, that’s exactly what will happen with your relationship.
- Your partner is abusive in any way. Whether it is verbal, emotional, psychological, and certainly physical, whether it is mild or obvious, whether it is to you or another person or an animal—abuse is not a red flag. It’s a huge banner saying you should get out immediately and never look back.
Did you know that Horizon offers private and couples counseling?
One way to help you and your relationship is through talk therapy. If you’d like to find out more about this private and confidential service, please call (716) 831-1800.